did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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