He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
