I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
