i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
