I wish I only lived at night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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