you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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