I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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