I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
