I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
