Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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