I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The uberlube is also flammable
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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