the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
