there's paper in my vomit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
