I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
