dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
