First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
