oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
