Sponge bath it is.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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