Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
