called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Shame - the story of my life.
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