Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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