Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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