Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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