Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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