A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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