I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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