we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
