My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
