so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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