Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
