If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
