What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
