then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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