Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
