C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
