Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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