My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
