i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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