In the future we'll all be gay
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
