don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
