This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
