My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
