1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
