Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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