I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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