if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just gargled with NyQuil
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
