I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
