My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
