Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
did i just pee glitter
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