I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
