i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
