how can u be prego again
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
