I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
