she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
