I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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