My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
